In 2010, I was out walking one afternoon around the office park where I work. Jesus always speaks to me when I am out walking. I love it. Hey wait...I guess that's why I call this blog "Walking Lessons". :-)
Anyway, I heard Him speak to my spirit. He told me that there were three areas I needed to start working on in my life: Pride, Boundaries, and People Pleasing. So, I did the mechanical thing and ran to the bookstore to buy books on each subject.
I have read each book (Humility by Andrew Murray, Boundaries by Henry Cloud/John Townsend, and Approval Addiction by Joyce Meyer) at least twice so far. They are awesome and life-changing accounts written by real Christians who have deep relationships with the Lord.
Reading is good, and these books have most definitely deposited countless, healthy Biblical concepts into my spirit. However, I believe they were simply the introduction to a lengthy healing process that the Lord is beginning in my walk with Him.
For most of 2011, I had the pleasure of leading worship at a small church (ReNew) in Lancaster, SC. It was an amazing experience. Unfortuately, because the congregation was so small, it became difficult to finance the building where we were meeting each week. So, Pastor Eric let go of the building and the church began meeting in his home. I was on board with the transition for the first few weeks, but then I felt the Lord stirring in me the way He does when it's time to stop something and go somewhere new.
About 2-3 weeks (which is the norm) after I let go of ReNew, the Lord made it clear that I was to begin attending Pastor Carlos' church. I met Pastor Carlos in 2010 and had remained in contact with him, mostly through Facebook. I discovered that he was closing his original location and moving to a new building in April of this year. How exciting!
Pastor was offering a class to begin on May 7. The invitation was extended several times to the entire church, and he also shared with me that he had requested five specific people to attend the class. I was one of those people.
On the first night, I was the only one who showed up. It has been just me and him ever since and I am tremendously grateful for this precious gift. Despite the open invitation to the church, I now know that God designed this experience to be one-on-one.
I didn't know what to expect, but I was willing to be there as Pastor Carlos had requested. In short, the class has exposed "me" to me, and I can now see the disease and infection in my soul that have been caused (over the years) by pride, lack of boundaries, and an unhealthy need to please others and receive their approval.
The past two months of this class have not been easy (emotionally) but they have blessed me richly. I am so grateful for Pastor Carlos' heart and passion. Additionally, the Lord has hooked me up with some Christian counseling at a local center for a while.
I have had to be careful because this exposure of "me" that the Lord has generated is pretty depressing. I can see so much garbage in my soul that needs to be cleaned up. The Lord has given me a gift of leadership and talents like singing and writing, but I need some serious unearthing of this nasty soil before we move forward again into the destiny He has planned for me (Jeremiah 29:11).
I can see now why His Holy Spirit is so strongly urging me to be still (Psalm 46:10) and wait upon Him (Isaiah 40:31). I am notorious for jumping into things and getting involved not only to be helpful and to do things I love, but I often have wrong motives (like people pleasing) and I'm afraid that these things have sometimes served as distractions in my life so that I cannot see the damage inside my own soul. So, I have stopped everything, and I can now address the things I was too busy to truly see before. Ouch.
But here is the Good News:
1. "So now, there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to Him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death." (Romans 8:1-2)
2. "For the Lord corrects those He loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights." (Proverbs 3:12)
I thank Him for those two Scriptures as I move into the next phase of this healing process. Knowing that I don't have to walk around feeling depressed about what I see inside of me is an awesome promise and blessing. Knowing that He is correcting me because He loves me is even more awesome. All in all, He has my best interests in mind and His chief goal is to heal me so that I can move into His plans for me.
I pray that this blog blesses you in some very personal way. I write because it heals me and allows me to get closer to Jesus. I have asked Him to use my writing to heal others some day. In the mean time, I will just keep writing as He teaches me things!
