The Wilderness

After a tearful conversation with Jesus this morning while laying in bed, I believe I am in yet another "wilderness" stage.

So, I got up and read Mark 1:9-13. There, Jesus is baptized by John and He is then immediately lead into the wilderness to be challenged by the devil for 40 days.

It should be no surprise to any of us that, directly following an absolutely life-changing moment with the Father, Jesus is lead away to be tested. When we make serious commitments to God, it is the devil's job to interrogate us and attempt to distract our hearts from the mission.

I imagine that if we could translate Jesus' wilderness experience into contemporary language, it would probably be safe to say that the devil used hundreds of different tactics to say, "Man, are You really sure about all of this?" while simultaneously putting his own offers on the table to derail Jesus.

Although it was tough, Jesus stood His ground. Thank God (is an understatement)! The world was radically transformed forever.

I've been singing for a long time. There are so many gifted artists in this world, and it's a blessing to have their music at my disposal. I've also been a part of many groups, and it's always refreshing to work with established people and projects.

I've been writing for a long time. It is a very fruitful activity for me, and I have notebooks and journals full of some remarkable compositions.

But I've been hiding for a long time. Behind other people's music. By leaving my writings on the shelf, and only celebrating everyone else's best-sellers. While there is joy in supporting the creativity of others, I have recently found myself still carrying around an unexplainable emptiness.

Earlier this Fall, I prayerfully decided to step away from those comfort zones - out of the boat, so to speak (see Matthew 14). I believe that God has called me into the abyss of my own creative side. And now? Every day, I can hear that awful voice of the adversary: "Woman, are you really sure about all of this?" as he cleverly fills me with doubt and insecurity, attempting to get me to stop and go back to where I was safe before.

It is intense.

It often seems bleak.

It is lonely, and the weather (of my emotions) is often inclement.

And yet, something in my spirit compels me to continue going forward. Even when it seems sensible to go back to where I was comfortable and didn't face such spiritual and mental challenges.

What I do know for sure is, despite the struggles I am having in this phase, I don't want to die before God is able to use my life for His glory. I have always dreamed of doing something that will impact the globe. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is just the beginning.

Jesus rocks!